Film, 90s or earlier, about a 13 year old white girl in the south

The film opens with the main protagonist, a white 13 year old aspiring ballet dancer, writing a letter, including the words “Time is of the essence: I’m not getting any younger”. It is set in the southern U.S. Her father is either absent or dead, and she is being raised by an older sibling and the sibling’s spouse (i.e. either her brother and his wife, or her sister and her husband, not sure which). Her mother is disabled and is in a wheelchair and never speaks. Her sister or sister in law is seemingly going through a very difficult menopause, and eventually goes crazy and is seen firing a pistol. The girl’s best friend is a neighbor boy with dyed blond hair. Black civil rights is one of the central themes in the film. The film ends with the girl writing another letter to the same organisation as her first letter, saying she was glad she stayed in her home town after all. A memorable moment in the film was when she had a lift in a car from a black man, sitting with him in the front seat, and her brother or brother in law, having seen, sat her down for a talk, giving her an alcoholic drink saying that since she was trying to act grown up, she was old enough for a drink, and asked whether she knew what it meant being in the South, she said “We hate blacks”, he denied it.

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